Horace Satire 1.9

I was going by chance on the Via Sacra, as is my custom, contemplating some (of) trifles; wholly in those. A certain man known to me only by name runs up to me and, my hand having been grabbed, (says) “How are you, sweetest of things?” I say, “Pleasantly as it now is, and I desire all which you want.”

(6) When he follows, “Surely you do not want anything?” I take the lead, but that one says, “That you get to know us; we are learned.”

Here I say, “By this you will be more to me,” seeking pitifully to leave, just now I go more quickly, at times I stop, I say something in my boy’s ear, because sweat is flowing to the bottom of my ankles. “O Bolanus, you are lucky in your anger,” I was saying quietly, because that man was chattering whatever; he was praising the neighborhoods, the city.

(14) As I was saying nothing back to that one, he says, “You want to go terribly; I have seen that for a long time. But you will do nothing; I will hold you all the way. I will follow you hither, to where now your journey is.”

“There is no need for you to be lead around: I want to see a certain man not known to you; this man lies ill far across the Tiber, near the gardens of Caesar.”

(19) “I have nothing which I might do, and I am not lazy: I will follow you.” I reluctantly turned down my ears like a young donkey of a discontented frame of mind when he has undertaken a too heavy burden on his back.

That one begins, “If I know myself well, you will make not Viscus, not Varius a friend of more value: for who can write more verses than me, or faster? Who (can) move their limbs more gently? Even Hermogenes might envy what I sing.”

(26) This was the spot for interrupting, “Have you a mother (or) relatives, for whom there is need of you in good health?” “I haven’t anyone at all; I have buried everyone.”

“The lucky ones! Now I remain. Finish (me)! For a sad fate presses upon me, which an old Sabine woman, her prophetic urn having been shaken, sang to me as a boy: neither terrible poisons not an enemy’s sword will carry off this one, nor a pain of the lungs or a cough, nor a slow gout: a talkative man will destroy this one at some time or another. He will avoid the talkative, if he is wise, as soon as his age has reached its peak.”

(35) It had been come to (the temple) of Vesta, already the fourth part of the day having passed by, and then he was obliged to respond to the plaintiff in an accident, which unless he did (he must) loose the lawsuit. “If you love me, “ he says, “be here for me a while.”

“May I die if either I am strong enough to stand or know civil law, and you know to where I hurry.” He says, “I am uncertain what to do. Will I leave you or my case.” “Me, please.” That one (said) and began to press on. I follow, as it is hard to contend with the winner.

(43) Hence he resumes, “How is Maecenas with you? (He is) of few men and of quite sane mind; no one has used his luck more skillfully. You would have a great helper, one who can bear the second (roles), if you should be willing to introduce this man. May I die unless you might have banished all (others).”

“We do not live there in such a way, (as) by which you suppose. And there is not any purer house than this one, nor one more alien to these evils. It does not impede me at all, I say, because this one is richer or more learned: his own place for each one is.”

(52) “You tell a great, scarcely believable (tale).” “Thus it is nevertheless.” “You inflame (the reason) whereby I wish more to be right next to that man.” “You would wish it only: such (lit. which) is your excellence and you will overcome who can be overcome, and therefore a difficult approach manages men first.”

“I will not fail myself: I will bribe his servants with gifts; if I am shut out today, I will not quit; I will look for opportunities, I will meet (him) in the crossroads, I will escort (him). Life gives nothing to mortals without great effort.”

(61) While he delivers these (words), behold! Fuscus Aristius turns up, (one) dear to me and who knows that man beautifully. We stop. “Whence do you come?” and “To where do you proceed?” he asks and responds. I began to tug at and press his softest arms with my hand, nodding, twisting my eyes this way and that to rescue me. The wickedly witty man, laughing, pretends not to notice and bile burns my liver: “Certainly you were saying to (lit. with) me that you wanted to mention something secretly.”

“You remember well, but I will speak at a better time: today is the thirtieth Sabbath. Do you want to fart in the face of the circumcised Jews?” I say, “Religion is nothing to me.” “But to me! I am a little weaker, (I am) one of many. You will forgive (me); I will talk at another time.”

(72) That this so black a sun rose for me! The unprincipled man flees and leaves me under the knife. The plaintiff in his case comes to confront that man and calls out in a loud voice, “Where to, you most foul fellow?” and “Is it permitted to call (you) as witness?” I indeed proffer my ear. He snatches (him) into court. A shout on both sides, everywhere a running to and fro. Thus Apollo saved me.